Okay ladies, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the last blog! Now, with this particular excerpt, I would like to see a lot of discussion as we share our thoughts on the issue of what the world (and I say the world because with God, there is no such thing) calls, “The Biological clock.”
It is a well known fact that in today’s society, men and women are getting married later in life. However, for women, the biological clock phenomenon is a real concern for reasons like childbearing and the like. This excerpt comes from chapter 2 of my book, entitled, “Sarah’s Waiting Process” where I tackle this issue. Ladies, looking forward to hearing your thoughts!
Chapter 2: Hannah’s Waiting Process
…I find it so interesting when studying Jewish culture through the Bible, the intensity of the desire for bearing children was for a Jewish woman. A barren woman was a disgrace for her husband and was legitimate grounds for him to divorce her. As a young girl, I would often liken this same intensity for young women in my community to find somebody and get married. It almost scared me when I hit 18, because it felt like there was this imaginary “expiration date” hidden somewhere on a Haitian girl. The label went something like this: “WARNING: MUST BE MARRIED AT LEAST BY 21…24, YOUR PUSHING IT. PLEASE DISPOSE OF AFTER 25 AND STILL NOT MARRIED!”
Growing up in church, the quest to find a husband and get married was a message preached both subconsciously and quite blatantly at times, towards all the young ladies by older women. The acceptable “timetable” for most young ladies was to meet someone at 18, date the guy for about five to six years, and by 23 or 24 you need to be married. So you can just imagine when I hit 18, and I still had not met anyone, my initial thoughts were, “Yikes! I must be behind schedule—I need to be married in like the next four years!” …
9 Responses to The Expiration Date
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Alicia
February 4, 2011 at 12:50 AMI used to have this timetable for my life, where all of my plans were made…I even had a tentative wedding date (time of day included lol) I do understand the pressure, and to say that I still do not want to be married by that date would be untrue but I have found a certain peace in knowing that in due season my time will come, and that if I am faithful to God now He will give us the desires of our heart, so I try not to worry, I may think about it sometimes but I shake it off because I realize that when I do find that special person it will be the right time and I will be completely ready to share my life with him as the woman that God has molded me to be….
Larissa Dayana Jean
February 4, 2011 at 12:51 AMAlicia, you are absolutely right. I think what it ultimately boils down to is TRUST. Do we trust God with this area of our lives completely? It is a real concern for most single women about when they will get married. I had a friend share with me that her desire is to be married before she hits 30 because she would like to have children young. We serve a loving Father, who not only knows the desires of our hearts, but knows the right time to fulfill those desires. I believe that there should come a time in a young women’s life that she is secure in knowing where her validation comes from. There was a season in my life where I viewed marriage as a “promotion” or a prize to be won. This is not what God intended marriage to be. Our validation comes from Jesus Christ alone—not a “M.R.S.” title in front of our names. The reason I wanted to share this particuar excerpt is because I know that the concern is real. But rest assured ladies! We don’t have an expiration date, lol. God can fulfill the desires of our heart, regardless of any man made timetables. It’s in HIS timing anyway!
RickyiaW
February 4, 2011 at 12:52 AMYou know what… I feel the need to be transparent about this topic. Whenever I read or hear single women talk about their desire to be married or in a serious relationship (especially women of God), or even when I admit that I want to begin a relationship with my “knight in shining armor” myself, I feel this pang of shame come over me. It’s like I feel ashamed of the desire to want to be in a relationship… ashamed to admit that I am ready to leave single-life behind. And it’s not the shame of “I’m not satisfied with God” kinda shame- it’s like this “I feel vulnerable” kind of shame. It’s hard to explain- but it’s like I have to pretend that I’m perfectly overjoyed with being single (but I am content- trust me), because if I even scarcely acknowledge that I want to be in a relationship- then it means that I have to ask myself why am I still single then- and what’s wrong with me. Now, I know that it’s all a big load of crap from Satan- but it is a feeling that comes over me. There…. I said it and got it out in the open. Alright Larissa- (and others) let’s hear it… lol
Kailin
July 3, 2011 at 4:07 PMYour answer was just what I needed. It made my day!
Larissa Dayana Jean
February 4, 2011 at 12:52 AMRickyia,
I love your honesty! I think it’s important that we are real withourselves and honest with God with how we’re feeling at times. God can take it! lol. I really appreciate you saying that, because if the truth be told, sometimes I feel the same way too! When it comes to the desire to want to be married and leave “singlehood” behind, like you mentioned, I sometimes feel, “Oh no! Does this mean that I love God less?!” My answer to that is absolutely not:) The desire to be married is not a bad desire; in fact, it is a godly desire. God said in the Word that it is not good for man to be alone. This is why God saw the need for Adam to have a suitable helpmate. It’s a normal feeling to ponder, “Hmmm, it’s been a minute now, Lord…why am I still single?” But, let me encourage everyone, that God’s timing is PERFECT and when He sees fit to send us our “knight in shining armor,” it will be worth the wait. I talk about this a little bit in one of the chapters of the book, but our “waiting time” is not “wasted time.” There is a reason why God has us in this season. So, let’s make the most of it!
Let also say, that it’s okay to feel “vulnerable.” It’s just you expressing a need that we know that the Father can fill. Know that God hears the desires of your heart and those unspoken prayers. He’s got you!
Sammy
February 4, 2011 at 12:53 AMI used to think, I’ll get married whenever it happens. I know how women can go crazy when they start to approach the age of 30, I am 26 and shrug my shoulders about it and move forward. My parents honestly have never spoken to me or my sisters about dating or marriage, so I have not felt any pressure by them. The only thing my mother ever wanted was for us to have a good man by our side. Though, I would like to get married before Jesus comes back.
Johnavon
July 3, 2011 at 9:39 AMHoly Toledo, so glad I clicked on this site first!
Tiffany K
February 4, 2011 at 12:53 AMI agree with Sammy. My mother has never pressured me about getting married and I think it’s because of her own experience with marriage. Me, my mom and sister are all single and we’re just like “Whenever you want to do it Lord it will happen.” I really thank God for that type of household
Janaye
July 3, 2011 at 12:04 PMYour article was excellent.